His eyes are the same,
Maybe more wrinkles
Around them
More sadness, too.

But I pretend not to notice
those things.
I smile,
too broadly,
With my lips only.

Keeping the windows to my soul
shuttered,
not letting him see how important
this meeting is to me.

He smiles a lot,
mostly with his eyes,
and I tell myself
"Don't you read too much
into this."

But I fail.

In my head,
right now,
I am flying fast
down the familiar roads,
racing towards him in the dark,
turning in the driveway,
then tapping on his window,
the one the moon is shining in.

But I don't let myself imagine
what his reaction would be.
I stop myself,
afraid he will laugh at me,
turn over
and go back to sleep,
sure I am a dream.

I blink and I am back
in front of this white screen,
slowly filling it with black need
disguised as words.